So tomorrow I start my new job. It will be full time. Better pay and benifits. I’m nervous and excited. The work doesn’t see to difficult and I may even get to do some product photography too. I’m glad to be out of the kiosk more or less. I may stick around for some late evening shifts or something. But I’ll be glad when I don’t have to try and play the should I say hi or not game when opening. Because 50% of the time you seem mad and I know you just have that look sometimes but being on the other side of you its true I don’t know how to truly seem if you are or aren’t angry. But I did have a dream with you in it last night, ur family seemed cheerful and glad I am gone said you have been a better person. Didn’t fully understand that just guess your better with out me. Then you even came over to me we hung out and you said good luck. I thanked you we had a moment of uneasy ness and just parted. We did look back… I had hope this job will be good for me I need something stable in my life. Something that will matter and yet not matter. Maybe I’ll be able to move out on my own. (Yeah right…) I wouldn’t trust my self to do that even though I have been hoping for it. I just want my own little cave to crawl into and be mine. I hate the holiday season. Don’t do holiday stuff except give gifts… no lighting of trees not seeing lights no train. Just useless Cold and spending money. I should end this before I ramble stuff I should not say.