Your drinking, all you have on you mind is how happy everyone seems. Somehow you your self are left out. You Invite people but it doesn’t help. You still fell that way. You are now in drink 3 or 4. Things seem momentarily good. For very brief intervals. In which you feel ok. After that your back to your self thoughts, day dreams, actions are of either the past or a ln illusion. Soon by drink 6 you can not tell if what you are feeling is real. If you are normal, well in the sence of normal that is. If you your self is worth making it to another day. Another day of playing happy, playing fun and greatful. Not being cowardly, sad, angry,frustrated, irritated, jealious. Jealious of others happy ness how in wish I understand what that meant. Each time I think I have it I end in doubt. Doubt about my self. And I stay there, it is a fimilar place, a place I call home.