So tonight was a birthday for some girls I know. One being one of my best friends I super miss hanging with and two other I have just rather recently meet. (With in the past year) we went out for their shared birthday party and honestly it was great to see eveyone but at the same time I felt numb the whole time. I felt out of place and like it wouldn’t have mattered if I had gone if it weren’t for dani. She is one of the lovely people I know and I appreciate her so much. I mean I did t see her constantly but when I did all there was, was love and the fact I miss her. It’s my fault, I don’t keep in contact, I don’t visit, I don’t do anything. I just stopped caring to go out. All I want to do is stay in bed. That’s it. I’ve become pathetic. I miss what I had, the people I knew. I know I’d never be close to the “other” regulars other then the mama’s bc well they are just cool as shit. I wish I had thrn network, I don’t most of my friends are flaky as fuck. I can’t depend on them coming to anything. Plus on top of that one of my “boyfriends” “ex’s” bow friends came which not one is she one of the railroad people now, but she is also someone I have become jealious over. One of many. Let’s see the three atm I have right now are: megah, kate, and krystal. All of them have a skinner body structure. Seem to have more of their shit together and have qualities I will nvr have that he wants. Wether or not he admits it. Then every night I go to bed thing ing I’m never enough. I won’t ever be enough and to that I say why does he stay? What’s the point? But back to the party. All these people showing up for the birthday most of them 90% were for Dani I can promise you that. She is a very luck girl and she knows it, and appreciates it. I love her to peices. I just wish I still was a part of it all. Most of my favorite memories were with her. Happy birthday my dear. I hope you had a blast!