This was take quite a while ago.
So I’m quite nervous for work tomrrow. It is either going to hopefully be okay or the worst choice having to continue working dreading everyday working with people who are all on the look out for them selves and are not at fault or talk behind your back or just hates your interaction. I have no one at work except for Erik and I feel we get the most shit. The most spat on . Yeah I’m not trying to justify the way thing are/were handled was the most appropriate. I just hope that that one more chance is give . I need Erik at work to get me thru the day. To help me hate the day just less enough I can go to work. I can’t stand the daily get up everyday. I need keep anything good I have going. I love my friends and I need certain ones in certain places. And I’m afraid of the day I loose those. I open up about certain topics to few people and I don’t feel regret, Erik is one of these people. I guess I just don’t know what work will be like with out him since he’s been there since I started and taught me how to build our machines. Idk what it would be like if he’s not there anymore.
I have always had a dog, need less to say I don’t think I could ever go with out one again. Last time I did was Before Toby, and having a dog is more then just a pet for me. A dog is my baby, my 1 thing I love over anything else. I imagine how I feel about my dog is how parents should feel about their kids. I have a connection to dog something I think not all people have. I love coming home to this little face everyday, with his happy little tail. He make my days better.
The days drag on one by one more and more useless and unfortunate as the next. Little excitement here and there. It’s days like today I wonder what I’m even good for. What have I accomplished in life. What is the point of seeing tomrrow. Work was shit today and I absolutely hated it. Consider the idea maybe I should get a different job maybe I am to useless for my position at work. And then I go on because tomrrow is a new day.
It’s currently -3 with a wind chill of -15 to -20 outside. That’s that’s stupid redictlious who wants to be that cold. It’s only good for sitting by a warm fire place with a hot cider and maybe cuddles or a book. But I have none of those currently so burr go away cold.
Today plain sucks. I don’t have a reason, I just know feel like I am in a huge funk. The moment I woke up this morning I felt off and going on thru the day its just gotten worse. I have no clue what has got me so meh about the day. Slowly but often the thought of uselessness and self hate comes and goes. I don’t like to do anything anymore I’ve become a hermit in terms of socialization. I hate the idea of leaving my apartment. All I ever want to do it sit in the corner of my couch curled under my blanket lay there I don’t even need anything to watch or listen to. Just lay there in the silence absent minded from the world and life around me. Waiting for the next day to come along and hope its better or at least easier to get thru.