The Sparkle is gone

I miss you, but you don’t seem to miss me back

I can tell in the way you act,

the way you talk to me

and how you don’t ever think of me first.

The I love you texts are left with out response,

The casual conversations barely exist.

I can see there is no flame in your eyes and no passion in your heart.

You do want is minimally expected unless you were drunk.

That’s when all the love yous and XO’s come out.

You tell me you love me but there is no heart or soul heard with in it.

Its as tho the words are a knee jerk reaction to me saying it to you.

You stopped holding me tight long ago, but you wont admit

I am no longer special in your eyes

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***WARNING WHINEY POST***

It seems like everyone is so happy these days. And I’m just over in the corner like hey guys don’t mind me I’m just chillin. Their either more active, more excited, more romantic, more happy then I ever feel. I just don’t like to go out much anymore. I feel bed locked. The minute I’m home and enter my room it’s just straight to bed. Then I can’t get out. I don’t want to get out. There is no desire.

I want to have my best friend back, I want to just be able to sit next to her and say nothing but just enjoy her company. I love my friends but Diera and I just work. And I miss it. I miss her.

On another note pretty sure my social anxiety is getting worse. I wish I could just go out and do things by my self but I can’t. And I feel like I’m bothering EVERYONE. I’m not the most important anything on anyone’s list I know that and I’ve delt with it. It’s fine, I’ve lived this long, maybe one day. One day I’ll matter and that day will count.

Other things I really want is romance I want a real date, to pretend I’m fancy for once and get dressed up. I want to learn to dance. I want to know that I am wanted. You tell me you see me having trouble making you happy then fucking figure it out! Do I or don’t I because we’re wasting time if it’s not there. Don’t live life with someone who makes u unhappy!  I see people in new relationship and old and they show eachother how much they care. Just little jestures.

So there’s a short whiny post about me lately.